Who is my soul mate?

What are soul mates? Is it the proverbial exact match for you that supposedly finds their way to you and you feel the, sense the 'its him' feeling? Ask any woman how she met her man, you're guaranteed a detailed story full of suspense, tragedy and eventually - the falling together of the whole story which is when she met her Prince Charming. We women are like that, those little details matter. I have two favourite 'How I met him' stories. The one I am still convinced was a sign from God that this man is The One. I had just completed my 'list' and this guy literally just rocked up on my doorstep...well, Isibaya House. Needles to say as much as he was the complete list, the list didn't include arrogant and insensitive...two of his strongest features :( When he left, I felt childish, like a nagger, like an idiot.

Well, the other one was nothing like the list. Tjooooo...not at all. The meeting him story is definitely one for all those romantic comedies I so love. He was the complete opposite of the list guy. When this one left. I went to my lowest point then with no pride, no anger and no hate. ; all i felt was very humbled. I completely transformed from that experience.

So, who is the soul mate? The one that came at the exact moment I needed him ? The one I can't forget? The one who is perfect only in my mind...and that's nothing like what he actually is? Or is it the one I wouldn't ever pick where it not for the hormones? The one who led me to a place of growth?

I believe a soul mate is someone that comes into your life, breaks your defences, forces you to re your life and make you change your life for the better-yourself. He won't necessarily MAKE you physically or force you with pain. YOU will feel the need yourself. Being with someone like this hurts in a different way to being with an abusive person. If you are lucky like I was with Guy #2, the feeling will be mutual. So there will be a lot of growth on both sides. Growing up hurts. This leads me to believe one can't stay forever with this person...after the growth has started, you go off and become a different, mature, blossomed, better person.

What is the use of a relationship where you come out weaker, broker, bitter and sadder than ever? Such a relationship is a waste of time and your energy really.

So I ask, if I were to say I had already met my soul mate...is it the one that changed me or the one whose hologram I can't seem to forget?