Listening, The skill to acquire in 2013

My friend has just delivered a 30 minute monologue in my ear. Wow. It got me thinking about something I only get to remember at times when the intended recipient is most probably already in this Monologue state. So I decided to write it now. Angry people can talk jong. Eeeeeh.

Last week a guy delivering goods at my place called me to say he couldn’t find my house. I said I’d come out and fetch him, however, since I keep forgetting to replace the batteries on my remote-the gate wouldn’t open. I could go unlock the motor…but I had bees close to it and wasn’t gonna take that risk. I called him to tell him I’m on my way just strugg…I didn’t get to finish my sentence. Dude brought home the Naija accent and started screaming about how me, his sista, was messing with him. And how he’s gonna just go. Tjoo. I could see him from where I was standing but in his shoutings, he couldn’t hear me asking him to turn and see me as I was waving frantically from my yard. He then sommer left. I called the company to let them know what happened and mabrotha had to come back. Mos I had paid.

Had he had his spat for a sensible amount of time, kept quiet and listened, he would have saved an extra trip as he was literally three houses away from my cul de sac. He didn’t listen. All he heard was his own voice, waya-waya. Besides...ummm...'why are you angry again?' We even lose track of the conversation when all these other rubbish comes into play.

I have learnt to shut down when someone goes on and on like that. There is a certain level of being angry that one can get to and erase all the remorse or apology that was due to them. I mean, shouting and screaming from down the road didn’t get Mr JP closer to my place mos. Instead, he heard himself to eternity, raised his own heartrate, went away and was sent back. What a waste of emotions.
He had to get these directions from moi again on the second take.When he called to say he’s down the road, I asked him to LISTEN and if he said a word, I’d hang up and he’d have to deal with his boss again. This worked and he turned, saw me and walked towards the house. I had managed to co-erce the gate to open via the remote by then.

My friend is pulling the same stunt. Yes, I wronged her. And yes, I’m a bad bad person. But its DONE. And the only way is forward from here. I have heard her grievance, I knew it before she screamed it. But  can I talk now? How is this a conversation…an argument even, if when I open my mouth she barges in with a repeat of the episode of how she discovered my misdemeanour, where she was, who was there, the weather at the time, her heart rate even. I’ve heard it so many times, the emotion for it is GONE. That’s when one appears to not have remorse, cos they’re now gatvol of your audio and just wanna move on with life. Gosh, there’s a friggin WAR in Iraq!

Phela even as you argue, you must realise it MUST end. You actually have the upper hand if you were wronged. I know my friend loves me and doesn’t wanna unfriend me. So her gaaning aan about the same thing just doesn’t make sense. Like, she is aware that my hurting her hurt me too. Cos when she hurts I do too. So why reiterate it? Is there an expectation of a cosmic event to occur to mark my remorse or to make her feel better? If not, then why is this woman still talking? After the first 3 minutes of attempting to interject and have my say, I zoned out and let her talk AT me. When she was done, 30 minutes later I said “tjooo, you can talk yoo”.I didn’t know what she had been saying and both of us wasted 30 minutes of sharing fashion news and I ended up not even telling her about Carmelo Anthony’s drama. I know she loves LaLa and would have liked to hear how Melo defended his wife last night after another player said ‘she tastes like honey nut cherrios”. (Apparently LaLa and Melo have been living separately for a while guys, shame-I like Lala too)

 

Ok, so this year, lets learn to listen neh. A conversation is between two people. Give the other person airtime too somblief. Unless you don’t give a damn about your relationship with that person at the end of the conversation. In which case telling them how hurt you are serves no purpose, you don’t care mos. It’s done, so let them be. Try not to post  bbm updates, facebook statuses and tweets  about ‘how much you don’t care’. If you didn’t care you wouldn’t be displaying your un-affected-ness by the sichuashen so much. Eish. Mara these social networks. LOL. Then the ‘non-carer; after updating their non-caring state post, follows it with another ‘voetsek’ status, then if you’re lucky and you’ve REALLY hit a mark, a picture too. Hehehehehhe. The best!

PS. Go easy on the bbm statuses. You have thje person on your contacts, don’t tell them off via status sesi, TELL them. Unless cowardly tendencies are your 2013 resolution. I lie- do what you want. Its your phone, bought with your money, charged with your electricity. Use it to show us, your poor contacts, your IQ. I like it. Its nice.

Keep your cool. Keep your panties on. You don't have to attend every Heartrate increasing conversation you're invited to.
That’s all.