Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Learning to let you go, YOU

The most difficult thing for an adult to do is to let go. I say an adult because as a girl, I didn't even try to grasp this concept. Besides being a hopeless romantic with ideas similar to those in fairy tales about how life should be, who is ALSO naïve when it comes to many matters in life -love, money,friends...I get attached too quickly and tightly(suffocatingly so unfortunately).

So its haaarrd to even come up with a plan to let go of someone...the kid I lost,  a friend I grow apart from, a lover I truly love...I just pray it happens (somehow) and hope God gives me amnesia in that part of me that misses the person. I just never saw in me the strength to overcome such.

Today I missed someone who was once very dear to me, verrry long ago.  Somehow, my heart at times manages to forget all the years that have passed and resurfaces all the memories as if they were from yesterday. Forgetting all the ugly ones that plagued my association with this person and highlighting the sweet ones. Amazing!
Then I text or call and get a lukewarm (if not cold) reaction. Sometimes it is nice...mmm...and once my heart starts yearning for those few and far apart hot patches-I turn into Bozo, a clown without a circus.
I wanted to pick up my phone and start a conversation(not call)...I wanted to...
Before one's heart decides to go and act all heartsy, the mind(?) does try one last time to remind the heart why there's even a hesitation...I stopped and took note of the boring brain with all her logic*borrriiing*
You know how its always said 'God helps those who helps themselves?' *breaaathes*...well, I am proud of myself for taking that 1st step to learning to let go. I'm willing to try, and this one time...I did it. It doesn't guarantee me not failing in future, but at least I succeeded this one time.

Its quite frustrating how one's heart is not even embarrassed to yearn for someone who has not the same intentions it does, it insists...and that's not even the best of it, the mind is busy on its own tip creating perfect scenarios of a joyous reunions and only summer days, 'No don't do that!'...'Mara it would be nice neh?'...'STOP it!'...and on and on it goes.

I think that by listening to my brain this one time, I may have made its voice louder.
Life goes on. Old memories are beautiful, new ones await! There's no harm in reminiscing. If some point in your life someone made you happy, its enough. Smile, it happened-then.

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