Monday, 22 October 2012


Since my relationship status has gone dormant, I have occupied my lovey-dovey time with actively watching the relationships around me. Armed with negative experiences, I watch with a conscious intention of seeing what works and what doesn't. All this is in an effort to weed out unlikeable behaviours that I may have lived out while I myself was in relationships so I don't repeat them in my next partnership.

Today a friend asked me what I think about a man wanting the gifts he gave during a relationship back.  At first I found this very funny and childish. That was before I took an extra minute to think about my own behaviours in the past. I am embarrassed to say I have stooped to the level of not only taking back the stuff I gave, I destroyed them. I was young, angry and very stupid. That is what I think of the guy taking back the lil white dress you never got to wear friendy.

It seems when it comes to breakups, the power lies with the one who leaves with the most dignity. What 'power'? Y'know...being the one who got up, dusted yourself quickly and didn't succumb to the need to hear the other's voice. Which is usually why these desperate calls for 'my gifts back' are made. Its not like its a house or a car maan. I guess the value of the gift may be important to some neh? I mean, why would a man demand a dress back? Would he give it to his next girlfriend? His sister? Destroy it like the younger, sillier me did? I think it shows extreme patheticism.
I've never had to give back a gift. I don't know how I would react if an ex demanded stuff he bought me back...really. The old me would probably mock him and make a big fuss about it on social networks in an effort to embarrass him. Now...I think I'd package it nicely and give it back. People must be allowed to be petty if the want. Its a free country.

So friend...this is what I think: I understand that people deal with issues differently. If he feels getting the dress back will help him deal with the breakup better or whatever it is he is taking it back for, he can have it. His idea of 'gifting' someone may differ with mine and yours. To me, once a gift is given, no part of it is mine anymore. Clearly not for this man with behaviours usually seen in stupid people.

Give it back and move on.

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