Thursday, 8 November 2012

Dating down? What's that anyway?

While at home I was visited by a cousin of mine who recently got married. She is a social worker who worked hard to get to where she is and is very proud of what she has achieved so far. Her husband is a mechanic. I have never seen him but I hear he's quite dirty and 'below her'. Now, I know my cousin likes things, status that comes with dating mang-mang who is a what-what. I was surprised then that she married this supposed dirty not so nicely spoken man.

When my cousin came in, I could see her glowing. Yes, she is quite...on the heavy side so would by default have a shiny face...but, despite that-she was 'glowing'. She looks content, happy and down-to-earth. this woman is happy. Of course she is aware of the whispers going around about her union...things like 'why did she pick him?'; 'last option?'; 'he's using her' etc, but she seems almost nonchalant. Is it growing up or is it love?

Two days ago Metro FM discussed the term 'dating-down'. I have always made a rackass whenever a friend would attempt this new phenomenon. Well, only one of my friends has done it...but, after seeing my cousin and hearing how shallow it actually is to judge other people's choices on who they date from the conversations that were going on on Metro...I hang my head in shame for my nosiness.

Love and status are two very different things. People may be chasing love away cos they are not really looking for love but a certain status that their love interest may bring. That is directly linked to 'what will society say'. From the listener's responses, one could pick up that the reason so many people shunned people they were definitely connecting to was because of the pressures from society.I have also realised, one's partner does not make them who they are. When one is self-assured and comfortable in their skin, they do not need to pair up with no one to exude a certain 'status'.

In this day and age, I think such mentality needs to die down. I mean, a woman in 2012 will not give money away unless she wants to. I also know she isn't dumb so won't be used or do anything she doesn't wanna do. Making one's lover happy is one of the quickest joy-bringers I know.
My friend actually went and dated the guy I had been on her case about. He turned out to be one of the best men she has dated. It seems guys who date up try harder to impress than men who are dating down. He was attentive, loving, took her on romantic 3 star getaways and bought her so many sweet presents. Dammn...and I've dated Accountants who wanted to split the bill at the end of the night? (well..accounting = money...figured)

Love is not materialistic nor status-driven.
*hit brakes* Ok...I still say 'Love is never enough' and you can't go to Pick n Pay and pay for nappies with your 'undying love for each other'
...but maybe its not the lack of materials that make it not enough. There's respect, companionship and care and I mean, 2012...women should afford what they want, if not, just work harder. No one is going to come into one's life and elevate them to levels they wanna be in. Everyone must just work harder for what they wish for. Don't be content with someone else's success. it is not a compliment to be labelled as having married up or dating up, make your own! Like my colleague says...'I'd say we're level'-Now that's the way to go!

And anyone outside the relationship can do well by minding their own ishhhhh.

My cousin passed away in a car accident today. RIP sweety.


  1. Shhh don't tell anyone but you're one of the five blogs I read. Loved this post because I lost a great girl because she didn't conform to an ideal that I had. The funny thing is she made me happier than I have ever been. Oh well you live and you learn I guess---Jeff

  2. :):):) Jeff!! We live and we learn Jeff :)