At first I typed 'I hate being a smoker'...but that's just too damn unloving to myself man! Like, going as far as labelling myself 'a smoker'...distinguishing myself from 'non-smokers'...as if its some kind of a prestigious league I'm in. I hate smoking like like I hate following a series. Its bladdy addictive man! And I have this super-addictive personality, if you gimme 5 balls of gum in succession I may get addicted to gum balls!
Sooo here I am. A cancer stick addict! I could be broke neh, but I'll have a box if 20 cigarettes. Its embarrassing! Its disgusting! I stink! I am controlled by a piece of something which I don't even know the full ingredients of. Miss 'I'm-in-cotrol'...really?
When I go to a new place, the first thing I need to know is 'where's the smoking area?' Even when out for work functions, dinners, youth meetings, church, *hides* church getaways too. *sad face* ...I've smoked in at my boyfriend's mother's house...that's deeeeeep for a Venda chick jo. In the house nogal...isshhh
I am aware that if I really wanted to quit I'd do it. I just don't get which part of me is hanging on to this crap...*grrrrrr*
When I say such, its not an invitation for motivational speakers to come and 'cure' me. Ishh, I hate that. Most of them have never even touched a cigarette.
If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse. #iHQ
Y'know, when I quit smoking neh, I won't TOUCH no ciggie, I won't even pass a packet on to its owner if I sit next to one. I will be ruthless, openly disgusted and trully amazed at every single smoker I come across. Like...why do you hate yourself lovey? Forgive yourself for whatever you feel you did to yourself...or find another way to punish yourself...Turning your lungs to charcoal can never be cool, sexy, respectable, role-modellish...ishhh...its more on the opposite of all those things. Gosh...that's me now!
No matter how nice my clothes are, how sweet my perfume is, how often I whiten my teeth or chew gum...there is always a strong smell of Peter Stuyvesant Filter. The same smell that lingers on the 60 somethin year old guy that sits by UCT with a multicoloured coat made of (plastic?) That guy that looks a bit coocoos. He made us go round in circles the other time Louis got lost. Haaaii... Yaaa, I smell like him! I might as well go live with him wherever crazy people go live and smoke and smell like ugly fucken smoke!