Wednesday, 12 December 2012

Babes,don't be scared,only money makes me cry.

Living in a bubble sometimes renders me dom. I'm so stuck in my own cloud at times I bump others the wrong way unintentionally and maybe don't even notice and go on in my own merry lil land. Blissfully unaware that a person I consider a sweety-malovey now thinks I'm a mean bitch and has all these negative connotations of me from the one bump. Its when I start getting cold responses and straight faces...or one word answers from people who usually can't talk to me enough that I notice there's issues. 

Trust me, I'm ALWAYS surprised at how the logic I use doesn't prevail to others. . Gaddammit TALK! TELL ME you don't wanna speak with me. It doesn't necessarily even have to be a discussion. I mean, you have full rights to yourself so if YOU don't want me in your space, and you say so, me trying to explain and justify is me forcing myself on you...stomping on your rights to not have to deal with me. And mos you know how I don't like to have my rights violated. 
Why, just the other week I couldn't deal with Ilze. ILZE! I told her so. I didn't let her stew there makin an idiot of herself figurin out why I'm not in the office A LOT (that would be the reason she'd give herself for me not answering her calls...even to my cell). Its the same with the Prodigal BFF, my mom even...the other guy I obsess about...its the logical way, I think.

I mean, I may still love the person... I just don't wanna be her friend at that point,it might even feel like I don't ever wanna be their friend. Cos I'm hurt or mad at that point. I'm ridiculous, but I consider a whole year of love and kisses even while I'm angry the same person that may have done me wrong. That's why I call for a timeout before there's animosity.

As people we sometimes DO need space. Sometimes its from people that are even good for us. Like...sweet people even. Y'know..too much sugar's bad for you typa situation.

Time apart with no animosity does do me good.
Its when I have to figure out that Your Royal Highness is mad at me that I get mad too.

I'm daft at the best of times. IT TAKES TIME FOR THE PENNY TO DROP INTO PLACE. Seriously, ask my colleagues! You should see them all watch me intently, even listening to hear the gears move in my head until finally...I get it! I don't read signs or innuendos too well. 
Like the last time I was at Ilze's, I was spinning on the huge tree stump in her garden. I kept screaming 'whooooo!this is the best stump IN THE WORLD'. Gareth, Ilze's witty boyfriend, came outside, looked at me with amusement and said 'That's exactly what Ilze said'. I was so excited Ilze had felt exactly like I was feeling when she was spinning on the stump I couldn't stop grinning like one who smoked sumthin-sumthin that's now legal in Washington. I asked her if she really had been as excited and she smiled SHYLY and said 'No'.
Ilze NEVER answers in one word,ever! Anyway...a few hours later I got it.
Its that bad.

So when I wrong you, or you don't wanna be my friend, or whatever, TELL ME. When you have beef, steak, pork, whatever it is you have with me hunny, I'll bring my good plate so you may dish it to me. I won't be mad and won't commit suicide. I love you, but...I have a sort of disturbing level of narcissism... AND I get bored by other people's drama quickly, so when your hissy fit is over, I'll long be over it too. 

Love doesn't just evaporate silly, if there really is a bond between us, you'll come back. (Notice that I said YOU...that's just how it is sadly)

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