Friday, 7 December 2012

Standard Bank, I'm getting tired!

My gorgeous mother has worked for Standard Bank for almost 30 years now. It could have been more, but she took a break for year or two in between that to try out something else.
So the bank was part of my upbringing y'see.
 Waiting for Mma to finish up while reading brochures and posters of new products after hours was a norm if I found myself in town and it was too dark to go home by myself. They paid Mma so she could pay for my school and feed me. They're like Family.
So obviously, our blood is blue thru and thru. From the good old blissful,carefree 'Simpler, better, faster' days. I didn't work then so my Tweety card was enough reason for me to think I was with the best bank yo!

I sorta stuck with them even when they had that identity crisis and confused the hell outta all of us with Inspired, Motivated, Involved...what a mouthful of vagueness. Gosh. I was working for the Reserve Bank at that time.
I left Standard Bank for FNB for about 7months...cos my mom kept asking me why I'm buying stuff at 'Taboo' at 2:00am and as you by now know, she don't quit once she's onto something. Religiously the woman would go into my account EVERY Monday and quiz me about what I was buying, did it have to be a R499 one? Why I didn't talk to her first cos she saw one at Mr Price for R79.
I eventually went back to Standard Bank because...well, when I got stuck...and HAD to call my mom to send R200 immediately, no matter how much she'd want to help me...the money would only be available in +-3days when transferred to FNB. Its much easier when we're all one as a family you I went back to the family bank.

By the time they decided on 'Moving Forward', an even vaguer tagline that made me side eye them, I was back at Standard Bank and even working for them. A lotta people at home thought my mom got me the job cos she's been there so long. LOL, she didn't even know anything about what I did til I told her. Its the place where my skills in IT were properly moulded,honed and nurtured. You work there,you WILL grow ey! Its hectic, its real time, its customer focused.Do it!Do it!Do it!!!

I left Standard Bank a few years ago to grow in my career, however, I still bank with them. I must tell you, its KAK to be a Standard Bank customer.
Aahh-aaahh-ahhh! Standard Bank can ruin your day my dear friend!
Its very true, their fees are low. Did you say Steve? Steve lies maan, don't be fooled by advertising. But their (Standard Bank) service? 1 star...actually -1 star. I feel their treatment of me wouldn't be any different to treatment given at a government supported office for drunk prostitutes asking for a place to for free. Ya. We must feel their muscles flex. WTF?

You know, they came up with a new product in their account structures. The Prestige account. Wow. Its for those who earn a bit more than the Elite customer, but are not eligible for Platinum invitation. Standard Bank Platinum cards are not given away willy nilly like the other banks papa.
So, this new what-what is gonna offer us butler service, a banker and all this nice things...for a lot more than what the Elite customer pays of course...its Prestige dawg.
Mxxxxxm. Shiii. Where? My banker had her auto response on all the time just to irritate anyone who dared email her,  was never available and before I knew it or even met her...there was no more talk of butler service and now 'there's a Prestige line' to call.
Did they bother to shout from hilltops to let us know we are special no more? Make posters of a dead butler to show he is no more??Mos they had a life sized butler poster to advertise the new product...just some ideas y'know...(its no wonder I'm not in Marketing neh).
They just redirected us to a dedicated Prestige number and hoped si zoba strong.
Screen of me on a holding tip

Calling this Prestige line is for very rich people  I must say...they are ALWAYS experiencing high call volumes and the minimum time I've held was about 9 minutes.9 whole Vodacom airtime minutes.
1. I bought R500 electricity a few months ago via internet banking. At the very last step, the transaction failed. However, the money was deducted from my account. As I really needed electricity and didn't feel like listening to that woman (recording) they employed to irritate callers for a minimum of 9 minutes, I did another transaction and got my electricity. The next day I called them and the issue was 'investigated' for about a week before the reversal was done.
I breathed.

When I sent them an email

2. I was one of the customers who had booked with 1Time before their demise. I filed my chargeback on the 4th of November. After 14 days, I got emails from the dedicated chargeback line, from 5 different people on a daily basis asking for the exact same documents I had filled in 2 weeks before. As it was clear this arme skepsel on the other side was just trying to help, I kept calm and kept resending the friggin documents. Eventually, I got pissed and started spitting fire. Every time I needed to SPEAK to someone, I had to make a call and as I've said, minimum 9 minutes holding...Vodacom airtime xabanga...They want my (credited by them) money, then friggin tell me: "We sent the money on the 21st and you got an sms". Really? Not on MY phone, which she read out as the number that got the sms.
I breathed again.
3. Three days ago, I bought electricity again. Transaction fails, money deducted. I didn't buy another voucher as I was reluctant to duplicate stuff seeing that I need the money now. Phela ke Dezemba boss. I still haven't gotten an call about this transaction and it does not show on my statement. My friend also deposited money to me on the same day, my statement has no records of this although she has an sms showing the money going out.

Like, am I now supposed to call them again and hear that damn woman and have R55 airtime to use on them instead of calling Renda? Arrrgh man Standard Bank,  we pay for the service. I know its busy there and I am very understanding...but...I don't have airtime to call them all the bloody time! THEY of all people know my financial status and they want me to use more money to say hi to them every second day?

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