Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Our beauty routines gone scary

Get white or die tryin gurl!
Beauty routines have gotten more complex, weird and even dangerous these days. Contrary to what it may look like, the aim is mostly to look as natural as possible...unless its for a night out or one is in entertainment. Most times, we try and achieve a natural look for the day. Its hard to believe cos of all the blue eyelids, pink dots on cheeks and orange lips in your area...
Highlighting areas of the face in a way that when sunlight hits one, one appears to have more defined features. Chiseled cheekbones, bigger eyes, more slanted eyes, a cuter pout. All these can be achieved with careful makeup application.

I'm most uncomfortable with blush. Cos...well, I could never blush rosy...So I rather use bronzer above my cheekbones to give definition. It always looks so clown-ey on a black cheek I think. Even when perfectly done. Watch Rockville to see gorgeous women with PROPER makeup AND the pink cheeks to just make it so obvious that aaah...a lot of work went into that neh? There are times when makeup is sooo flawless then that pink dot just gives your hours infront of the mirror away.
Smurf has naturally rosy cheeks cos she's so fair. They get even pinker when she blushes or is excited making her look prettier. So when she uses blush, she achieves the 'in love' look all day even when she might not be as perky as she has to be for her cheeks to get that pink.

Smurfie,please bring my container back!!! A MAC sales lady convinced me that some blush is just purrrfect for me...but...I just couldn't carry it off...swept back, dotted on, I just can't have pink cheeks shem. So I passed it on to my garden friendy.

On top of all that, we women also want longer and fuller eye lashes. Beauty companies rake in gazillions of money on mascara, serums and all other concoctions to grow lashes or even just to make them appear longer. There are also add on lashes that one can get to increase the volume of the natural ones. So you know mos we laark tings us, we go to the salon and get these lashes glued on for a R100-R250 a set. Mind you, this involves GLUE. I cannot ever understand how and when (glue + eye) became a comfortable thing to introduce to each other. Tjooo! What if that non-medical practitioner doing such a complex procedure glues your eye together? Apparently others use hair glue! You know a person only has the same set of eyes for life???
These are the funniest things to watch in action. They actually have an existence of their own on the face of the lady!!! Sometimes they are sooo badly glued on in a strip that looks like a blanket and you can see the poor eyelid battling to open and close under the unnatural weight imposed on it.
Apparently, one should not get these wet as they'll fall off. (Laugh shem,its funny) So when these are on, sorry buti,no showers. Sisi will pat her face carefully around the eyes. Maybe sponge off the eye-goo...I don't know how mascara is taken off...or isn't it needed when one has eye-hoods? Ai-ai-ai.

Then there's the talons at the end of each of the fingers. I think they're sposed to be like nails that have been let to grow for a while. These can be loooong and dangerous looking. Why would such long nails be appealing thou??? Aren't you scared of puncturing yourself or others? Did you know your nails continue growing even when you're dead? Crweepy. So I'll wait for mine to grow then when they aren't a hazard to my loved ones.
Once, a friend came over for lunch and brought a bunch of friends along. I was pissed cos its just so rude that he didn't ask me first and I can only cater for a maximum four people at a time. All my stuff is bought in sets of four.
Anyway, I dished out and served. I didn't give the lady with talons any cutlery...I figured she could poke her meat with em mos...I mean....they SHOULD double up as forks those dirty germ carriers.

All these my lovelies, are efforts to look as natural as possible. I won't go into the hair cos I too am a victim. 'it looks sooo natural' or 'it looks like yours sweety'...that's what we coo to each other just before we flick it to the leftttt! umm...even if I went to space and had a conversation with a the god of hair, I can NEVER ever have hair that long and bouncy. Everrr. Maybe if Renda marries a white girl, and the kid marries a Peruvian and so forth for 3 more generations...maybe one day my bloodline may have long bouncy locks. For now...hai, R100 or R8000...kuyafana nje. But lets wear it with pride and honesty. It is extensions, doesn't look like mine and I love it!

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