Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Why am I unapproachable?

Today me and the team discussed this issue of critical importance: Me. Ok,me and how to make non-pale-skinned acquintances. They suggested me smiling a bit more...cos I know I do scowl a bit, not looking at my phone, a bit more smiling and friendly greetings. Soiunds scary I must say.
I am stressed cos I think this has more to do with how I project myself perhaps? Someone suggested the way I dress intimidates people. I once met a guy in the lift who said 'they had noticed me and how I'm a loner', 'they' had also concluded I don't like talking to people (although 'they' had never greeted me) and that I am a 'top shayela type'...tjooo...all this without ever saying a word to me.
The world is a mirror, we receive from it not what we want but who we are. Okaaay, I'm gonna use this line to try go thru a thought process. Like psychologist myself...cos I don't have airtime and my shrink needs a shrink.
Ok, I want to be received as: friendly, funny, calm (shutup), ummm...well,I get the you look pretty everyday anyway,but I wouldn't mind more of it. Shem, vanity is a very good thing. Ok, and just say hi to me dammit. Gosh! Only white people ever make small smiles...sometimes they're just nervous I see. The scowl is that scary. Besides, white people need to smile less at strangers.

Maybe I've really changed toooo much. This wasn't so before. People were drawn to me. I used to make friends everywhere. I have tons of good acquintances from every company I've worked in, except here. I must admit I'm more uptight than most...waaay more uptight I should add. I need to work at being nicer, nice happy thoughts Ilze always sings. Not everyone is irritating as that friend I had a few months ago who stole from me neh?
Today was worse hey. I had dainty high heeled shoes that pinched me from the very 1st step. I was in AGONY. My friend and I named them Murder-esses...I think charity will also throw them back in ma face. They shall never know my feet again either way...maybe I could use them for decoration...they're pretty (duh, i bought them)

People don't need to meet scowling,intimidating people. Everyone has enough on their minds without having to deal with the Scowling Girl. I would think when people see this scowl (the one I sincerely don't put on on purpose), they assume it comes with tons of attitude and so won't even bother. The ones that do speak to me make sure to come with assumptions that they do not even bother to verify. That sucks. The security people call me 'Barbie' and smile and laugh with me all the time, both black and coloured ones. That's some consolation, at least they're saying hi...I don't know how I feel about being called an unproportional blonde doll that's probably 100 now thou...

The same someone who spoke of my intimadition tendencies also reminded me that I like being alone. Very true. When someone is too in my space, I get irritable. Look, as we grow older,we need less friends. I mean, I have enough friends, I don't like going out, I dislike going to people's houses more and I hate people in my space. So its a very complex situation you see. I just want people to say hi to me in the lift...people I don't know!!! I have been in this company for a full year for gorgeousness-sake!
I'm gonna make eye-contact and smile tomorrow.

I don't know if I've answered myself in this thought process or if I need to think some more. I'm gonna post 1st, proof read next, edit out mistakes then read it like another me to see if I have answered myself subconsciously.

 I must commend you on your incredibly high tolerance for BS by the way. Reading this far, you are strong shem. :)

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