Tuesday, 22 October 2013


Friendzoning is a horrible term used to describe a relationship between two people where the one wishes to be more than friends and the other just wants to remain friends. This situation may occur without either party intending for it to happen. You know how it is with matters of the heart...sometimes it may be just lust. What bothers me about such situations is that, sometimes the one party leads the other on just to friendzone them in the end. Might be for the thrill...maybe they're just flirts...maybe even just to keep their friend close enough in case they decide to go for it at a later, thirstier stage.
Either way, being led on and then friendzoned is plain mean...and humiliating to the one who fell for their friend.

I have been friendzoned before. By a friend who lured me into thinking of him as more than a friend. I have many male friends, some I share a bed with without any naughty business happening. I KNOW when a man is making moves on me. 
I blushed and squirmed out of all the inappropriate, exciting and secret lil compliments and quips he'd throw my way. Some where naughty, others were downright Hallmark moments. He got me.

When I met him I never was thinking of him as anything other than 'someone I know'. We'd chat mostly when the mutual friend who introduced us brought him over and I hardly remembered his name til he was in front of me. That was over three years ago. Fast forward to 2012, mutual friend isn't in the city no more and I hardly saw him much...then one day I did...and he literally lit up. Genuinely delighted to see me, as was I. 

This was the beginning of getting to know each other more...I liked it and so did he. There were the usual lil commentaries passed to establish whether territory was enter-able and we both affirmed that we were free agents. Great! 
After that came the period of full on flirting. It was exhilarating. I happily played along waiting for him to make a move. I am that old fashioned...he didn't make a move. He just hung there...in the middle.
Why would he do such? A loss of interest? Waiting for me to make a move? Cos Jesus of the white people KNOWS I hadn't played thaaat hard to get. 
Why whet my appetite just to leave me high and dry?

Friendzoning happens for many reasons I have come to realize. It may be that the guy is just not attracted to the woman in THAT way...or he knows he wouldn't be serious if he did get with her and would therefore jeopardize the friendship.
Or the guy just enjoys being bait...the chase has flipped on us as the years have gone ladies. This is true for most women across the spectrum. Married women chasing husbands that seem allergic to home, women in relationships buying the men they live with so they stay on, Ben 10s...there's all sortsa chasing going on around. Relationships where both partners are equally into the other are getting fewer and more far in between...with most of the misbehaving coming from the male partners. 
Tata says he friendzones and flirts with women all the time too. His reasoning is that sheling (asking her out) is 'incriminating'. As in, should he decide he doesn't want her anymore, he'd have to 'break up' with her if he had asked her out. Whereas, if they just land in bed together, he doesn't have to 'break up' or be accountable to her. Sooo mean. Maybe I am paying for Tata's sins here. However, he also conceded that sometimes he's just too chicken to make a move. After this he suggested I make a move...NOOO.

I do not enjoying chasing. I am also past the stage of wanting to be chased when I am sure the man is who I want to be with. We are adults, we should be able to have adult conversations around such issues. I don't stand in anyone's doorway. I am either in or out. I do not appreciate people standing in my doorway either.
Sadly,a friend of mine took the bull by the horns recently and it turned out the guy,who was sending all sorts of explicit texts to her couldn't back up his texts...or couldn't practice what he preached...or...just sent them cos he could? But why? To test her 'thirst' levels? 

As a friend, I feel you shouldn't lead your friend on. Its embarrassing, unnecessary and quite mean. Loving a person you have come to call a friend is one of the hardest things to let go off and still keep the friendship. I wouldn't have  fallen for him and we would have continued our amicable friendship without such complications. Maybe he was just a flirt, maybe I was just thirsty for him...but between me and him, we KNOW he led me on.

Perhaps by writing this piece and having my feelings out there, I will be able to pick myself off the dirty floor he left me on, raise my chin and walk off. 
I won't be chasin no man. 

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